personal wisdom that gets me through the day.

i've decided that it doesn't matter what you do with you life everyday as long as you make sure that what you choose to do is hard. challenging is really a better word. it's particularly rewarding when you like the challenging activity you do. like bike riding. if you go on huge, serious bike rides that wears you out that is awesome. if you choose easy rides you know you can do without much of a challenge, that's lame.

the reason challenge is important is because challenge is growth. the more challenging things you take on in a day the more you will grow. it's nice when you really like the tasks. like i would love to go on more hard bike rides over working in the lab. but, even the shitty hard things you have to do in a day force you to grow.

so, even if graduate school makes me crazy and unbalanced. i am still learning a shitload about science and chemistry. my brain works so hard trying to untangle all the insane transition states and stereochemical outcomes of these reactions, and this is great. even if it sucks, i am expanding my understanding and capability to take on and conquer complex questions. yeah.

now, everytime i think 'this sucks'. i am going to try and think, 'at least i am growing.'

awesome.

life is okay.

yesterday i almost posted a depressed, mopey update about the misery of preparing for orals, blah, blah, blah. but then something amazing happened.

joe kliegman from san francisco made a surprise appearance with three other friends of ours: alyssa, will draper, and another will. it was so nice to get the chance to give the kind of hugs where you know you can hold on as long as you want, and it will never get awkward. solid, super hugs. i usually only find them in portland, but joe k. knows all about these hugs.

they landed, and the five of us piled onto the three bikes i own (one bike was an xtracycle and another a tough touring bike with a killer rack). it was a hilarious slow affair, with copious giggling and shouting. we made it to a fancy bar, called the 515, in one piece, and met some chemistry gals for drinks. catching up was wonderful. there was plenty of reminiscing and a lot of laughs. after everyone was good and tipsy we headed to the ocean, something i seem to never do without company, which is a damn shame.

joe quickly discovered that you can explode the pneumatocysts on the macrocystis that it scattered all over the beach, and it makes a popping noise, like bubble wrap. Suddenly we were off, running like crazy people, stomping all the algae we could find. the moon lit up the crashing waves, and the empty boardwalk rides. it was nice genuine fun. i forgot all about my synthesis, and how miserable i'd been just hours before. it reminded me how much i love my friends. people who are always up for making their own adventures. people who are serious about the things they love. it reminded me that i am one of these people, and that i will be done with my qualifying exam soon, and then i will have the opportunity to play again. this is a small blink of time, and it seems like tomorrow i'll be back to my normal bike riding, scuba diving, pop-up crafting, stencil cutting self.

all 5 of us found our way back to my home, and we all piled into my room. there were people sleeping on every bit of empty floor space.

it was nice. i was happy.

thank you joe! i love you.

the things i did today.

1. i froze my ass off scooting to school before 8 am this morning.
2. i made delicious coffee (i'm now a happy addict).
3. i reworked my retrosynthetic scheme, and it looks much more feasible and reasonable now.
4. i attended the intro organic lecture i'm required to attend.
5. i assigned the fucking gnarly stereocenters for my molecule.
6. i talked about my diels-alder reaction for about 2 hours and felt my brain melt out of my ears.
7. i could think from 5:15-5:45 pm.

now, i'm thinking of going home and trying to study more. try to think about the synthesis of my diene and dienophile. i will work on chemistry at home. i will sop up my brains and wring them back into my head where they belong.

wish me luck.

check out my bangin' new tattoo

science for life!
Originally uploaded by kellypeach

if this doesn't make me a science geek for life i don't know what will. this is my artistic tribute to all the studying and researching i've been doing for the last 8 years of my life. it's got an organic chemistry focus, which is what i'll be getting my ph.d. in. the glassware is a dual neck, pear shaped flask, and there is a spatula and pasteur pipette dropper crisscrossed behind the flask. these tools are all things i tend to use on a daily basis. i love that the flask looks a bit like a heart. i designed the tattoo, and my friend justa helped turn it into something i was prepared to get put on my body permanently. the tattoo artist did a great job! i hope you guys love it. i know i do.

here comes fall.

here comes fall.
Originally uploaded by kellypeach

today i was chilly from the second i woke up, until the moment when i reached into the dark depths of my closet, past all the tank tops and leggings, to the place where scarves, fuzzy hats, and gloves spend most of the year down here in sunny santa cruz.

i'm about to start preparing for my final set of exams. it's a two hour oral exam in front of four brilliant professors who have free reign to tear my total synthesis proposal to pieces. i am very nervous, but excited as well. if i pass this exam i will transition from a graduate student to a ph.d. candidate. it means i may actually be seeing this thing through.

so, i'm back to weekends spent in coffee shops pouring over pages of mechanisms. i'm back to feeling lonely and annoyed with school. back to questioning what the fuck i'm doing here. back to not taking good enough care of myself because i'm preoccupied. back to teaching.

wish there were more interesting things to say. i haven't been my normal passionate self lately. i seem to be attracted to damaged boys lately, that have temporarily lost their capacity to love. no pop-ups. no mail art. no romance. kind of a bummer. but, it's a good lull right? more time to focus on SCIENCE.

yay...

day 10

the good: i make a killer hot toddy.

the bad: i never know when enough is enough.

day 9

the good: i tend to be exhaustively upbeat and positive.

the bad: i am a serious procrastinator.

day 8

the good: i wear outfits that make people laugh.

the bad: i am terrible at multitasking.

day 7:

the good: i am never bored.

the bad: i am incredibly impressionable.