hooray! it's february.

so, january was a total and complete disaster. i sunk deep into the post-college doldrums. i didn't go out, i didn't call friends, i didn't have any fun (well, very, very little fun), and i sat around my house brooding while my housemates enjoyed their romantic relationships in the cold weather. also, directly after the portland snow days i visited my local emergency room.

wednesday morning (6:41 am) in a state piercing, alarm-induced mania i wrenched around and slammed my hand onto the alarm. next thing i recognize is an inability to move any part of my body (except of course my mouth, which whispered 'holy shit' in a desperate, hushed tone). after a moment of paralizing fear, i decide to try and wiggle my fingers and toes. i continue with this exercise until my arms are submitting to my demands, and pinpoint the problem. whenever i move my neck, back, and other nearby body parts i am in excruciating pinching pain.

first things first, i called my mother (with the cellphone that was luckly on the floor directly next to my bed). she suggested that i may have meningitus, which didn't exactly elevate my mood. we decided that no matter what i needed to get my sorry self to a hospital. i called my housemates (downstairs), who asked, "where are you, and why are you calling us at 6:50 i the morning!?!" i responded, "upstairs, and i can't move." they feed me water and peanut butter so i could eat a handful of advil, and once i was sufficiently numbed we headed in the truck to the hospital. however, we didn't know where the hospital was.

our first stop, called a 'general health clinic', was a bust. we walked into a scarcely furnish room with unfinished walls, and a receptionist behind a think layer of glass. a strange disheveled man walked towards us and exclaimed, "can i help you with anything?." the moment that directly followed this comment was possibly the longest silence of my life. neither sara, nor i responded to the question. we just stared at this strange man in a moment of mute disbelief. it seemed to continue for an eternity. in my state of excruciating pain i started mumbling about my neck, blah, blah, blah. he suddenly understood our confusion and said, "oh, this isn't a health clinic..." we had wandered into drug rehabilitation center.

safe to say, once we departed the rehabilitation center we spent a good 5 minutes in the car laughing uncontrollably at this unfortunate and hilarious mishap. we found 2 more drug rehabilitation centers before finally giving up on a walk-in clinic and heading to the emergency room.

they quickly gave me a vicodin and sent me to the pharmacy. sara and i bought candy along with my pain killers and muscle relaxers. by the end of my interaction with the old man behind the counter (who referenced fancy 'electronic numbers' and 'digital displays'. he still seemed mystified by the concept of technology.) i was super loopy due to the drugs, and we escaped quickly to breakfast.

i spent the following two days watching terrible movies with stunningly simple plots that were bewildering to me throughout my drugged out cloud of recovery. i also cooked my first loaf of bread.

enter february!!!!

taa daa.

i woke up february first and decided to turn my life around, and it worked. i started volunteering as the open hours staff person at the IPRC (independent publishing resource center) for thursdays. i wrote a zine. i got promoted to supervisor at my delightful job at hot lips pizza. i started calling friends in town that i hadn't contacted in months. i started having fun! it was freaky to see the correlation between my attitude and how much fun i had. when i thought positively, i'd get invited to go out with people. so, now i am sticking with that plan. stay positive. greatness will follow.

i miss you all a bunch. email me with you address and i will send you a hand written letter. that's my new thing.

love,
kelly