today i am a queen

chariot rites of passage
Originally uploaded by kellypeach

remember that huge fuzzy hat the i knit in college. the one with all the little frilly bits poking out of it in all directions? (as depicted in the photo to the right) well, i was wearing it today in this coffee shop, and generally people give me the 'are you insane look' when they see it on. it is pretty over the top, and makes my head look twice its size. ANYHOW, a mom with a nervous little girl in tow approached me to say that her daughter loved my hat. in fact, she thought it would be a hat that a queen would wear, and on that note she was wondering if i was a queen. with a hat with so many jewels i must be a queen right? i had to tell her i wasn't sure anyone would call me a queen, but thanks for the compliment. i asked if she wanted to wear it, but she was WAY too nervous (she was talking to a hypothetical queen after all).

it was adorable, and since i felt all sad because of all the qualifying exam studying i've been doing and strange wearing my hat, it really perked me up. man, little kids rock.

i am totally fun.

even though i have been nothing but a pile of stinky, chemistry-studying poo for the past two to three months i am totally fun.

i ride bikes places, i make art, i give art to people and it makes them smile, i sew funny costume-like items that make people laugh, i wear funny clothes.

i scuba dive. i snowboard. i do fun things. i am fun. i will be fun again soon. december 4th. remember the date. call me after 3:30, and i will be a FUCKING RIOT!

personal wisdom that gets me through the day.

i've decided that it doesn't matter what you do with you life everyday as long as you make sure that what you choose to do is hard. challenging is really a better word. it's particularly rewarding when you like the challenging activity you do. like bike riding. if you go on huge, serious bike rides that wears you out that is awesome. if you choose easy rides you know you can do without much of a challenge, that's lame.

the reason challenge is important is because challenge is growth. the more challenging things you take on in a day the more you will grow. it's nice when you really like the tasks. like i would love to go on more hard bike rides over working in the lab. but, even the shitty hard things you have to do in a day force you to grow.

so, even if graduate school makes me crazy and unbalanced. i am still learning a shitload about science and chemistry. my brain works so hard trying to untangle all the insane transition states and stereochemical outcomes of these reactions, and this is great. even if it sucks, i am expanding my understanding and capability to take on and conquer complex questions. yeah.

now, everytime i think 'this sucks'. i am going to try and think, 'at least i am growing.'

awesome.

life is okay.

yesterday i almost posted a depressed, mopey update about the misery of preparing for orals, blah, blah, blah. but then something amazing happened.

joe kliegman from san francisco made a surprise appearance with three other friends of ours: alyssa, will draper, and another will. it was so nice to get the chance to give the kind of hugs where you know you can hold on as long as you want, and it will never get awkward. solid, super hugs. i usually only find them in portland, but joe k. knows all about these hugs.

they landed, and the five of us piled onto the three bikes i own (one bike was an xtracycle and another a tough touring bike with a killer rack). it was a hilarious slow affair, with copious giggling and shouting. we made it to a fancy bar, called the 515, in one piece, and met some chemistry gals for drinks. catching up was wonderful. there was plenty of reminiscing and a lot of laughs. after everyone was good and tipsy we headed to the ocean, something i seem to never do without company, which is a damn shame.

joe quickly discovered that you can explode the pneumatocysts on the macrocystis that it scattered all over the beach, and it makes a popping noise, like bubble wrap. Suddenly we were off, running like crazy people, stomping all the algae we could find. the moon lit up the crashing waves, and the empty boardwalk rides. it was nice genuine fun. i forgot all about my synthesis, and how miserable i'd been just hours before. it reminded me how much i love my friends. people who are always up for making their own adventures. people who are serious about the things they love. it reminded me that i am one of these people, and that i will be done with my qualifying exam soon, and then i will have the opportunity to play again. this is a small blink of time, and it seems like tomorrow i'll be back to my normal bike riding, scuba diving, pop-up crafting, stencil cutting self.

all 5 of us found our way back to my home, and we all piled into my room. there were people sleeping on every bit of empty floor space.

it was nice. i was happy.

thank you joe! i love you.