do you have a secret?

megan murray discovered this fabulous webpage. i don't know how to describe it. i will let the post cards do the talking. click on the picture to link to the webpage.

MIT weblog study

what a lovely morning.

i woke up this morning after extremely odd dreams about preaching hockey players in utah. ate breakfast. the most fabulous french toast i've had all year accompanied by fruit salad. on the walk to work i spotted a bunch of multicolored balloons in the sky. it was fantastic. it gave me warm comforting thoughts of being a kid. thoughts that are often squashed in this big, bustling city. a friendly guy that hangs out on telegraph everyday wished my good luck at work, with a big smile.

good times.

done with random words, i like titles better. so this title is "COOKING MANIA"

this weekend was jam packed with lots of fire festival fun. saturday night i volunteered from 7-10 and ended up staying until the end of the night. i got home at 2:30 in the morning, which is really late for a tired girl like me. plus, it was probably the most intense and over-stimulating place i have ever been. the stage music was incredibly loud. there were little bugs making popping sounds that resembled a car backfiring all night long. there was a huge stovepipe looking item that made a high pitched hissing sound when it went off. and general fire sounds, of course. at one point i got a little freaked out and claustrophobic. for the most part, it was a phenomenal display. the fire performances were neat. it's interesting to see performers because they don't concentrate on spinning as much as their overall presentation. i suppose most people don't care that much about the moves, but that was a little frustrating to me.

anyhow, sunday was my mellow out day. i finished "the magic furnace", finally. it was really interesting, but at the end it got a little silly. it was like reading a timeline of events, rather than a detailed history. but, it was a rather short book, and the writing was still good. it's nice to get away from chemistry though. i stopped half-way through "stranger in a strange land" last winter break, and i am going to try and finish that book up. fiction is fun.

the finale to my day of relaxation was a lovely dinner. i made a vegetarian chili with the following recipe. it was super tasty and so quick! i subtracted an onion (because i didn't have a big enough pot!), added a little more chili powder, cumin, and cayenne pepper, and i added a little more water. it was spicy for me, so most of you will probably want to double the spices. the bulgar soaks up a lot of the water, and since you don't add much to start with it's a super thick and hearty dinner.

yup. also cooked almond recipe.

yum.

cool.

punk

15. go to language school in spain
16. go to burning man with amazing art and ideas

diluent

i think i am a happy person. i would venture to say happier than most. this brings me back to my theory of equilibrium. i just don't think the world thinks it is fair for one girl to be this happy. maybe it is just laughing at me, like the greek gods who used to manipulate the mere mortals for the hell of it. for entertainment. yesterday i visited the crucible for the burning man preview, which was amazing and awe inspiring, of course. i returned to my house at 11 to find it dark and empty, as usual. however, i realized soon after i unlocked the door that the light in the entrance way had burned out. no wait. the kitchen light doesn't work either. nor does the fucking living room light. i wandered outside hoping that our neighbors were in the same situation. but, to my dismay, our house was alone in darkness. turns out, emily (the girl i am subletting from and living with) hadn't received a power bill this summer. she just figured...well, to be honest, i don't know what she thought. but, now there is no power in my house. turns out, emily and the other gals didn't bother to register for utilities for this upcoming year. what that means to me is no power until saturday. great.

i used amish's (a guy from lab) stove to cook dinner because i have to cook all my frozen food before it goes bad. but, besides that, living in candle light isn't that bad. it's actually kinda soothing. makes me want to take a bath. oh wait, no warm water...

reflux

i attended fire safety training at the crucible today. it was really neat. the information wasn't new of different, but i am so excited about the fire festival. i am volunteering as a fire safety person on saturday, for those that i haven't spoken to already. i can't wait to be a part of this giant production. because i have previous experience with spinning fire, i get to spend my time around the stage helping the fire performers (the other posts consist of keeping people away from flaming sculptures...yikes). i can't wait to meet these people and become part of the fire community. i was so excited on the way home, it felt like my heart was going to beat it's way out of my chest. more exciting stories to come!



so, i have decided to keep that list of great things/dreams/goals that graduate school will crush going. it will probably be a part of many of the posts to follow...so don't be confused by random numbered things.

13. learn to sail well (eventual goal: to use a spinnaker)
14. ride a bike across a country (united states isn't in the running)

jewelry box

the oregon country fair was a fabulous and lovely event. smiling faces and caring characters passed on the forested trail every few seconds. the community was overwhelming. the events were collaborations. everyone promoted and toted a happy demeanor. lebn and i were together again, perfect again, normal again, happy again.

turns out that equilibrium is a undeniable authority.

here's a list of the things that were stolen from lebn's car:

1. an oh so lovely snowboard jacket
2. a huge stuff sack, which contained the previously mentioned jacket
3. a tent without poles (they left those)
4. a fancy camping stove
5. an extremely functional, yet sleek back-packing pack
6. a case of burned cd's with a large amount of emotional significance, and little to no economic worth
7. a platypus
8. a power inverter
9. a cell phone charger (connected to the power inverter)
10. an ipod
11. head phones
12. a hand crafted (by me!) purse with the lining of the strap recently torn in transit
13. a powerbook*
14. an ipod photo*
15. many other electronics*
16. a sophisticated brenthaven computer bag (containing the last three items on this list)

*same story, different place, different day

so, for all of you people who worry about the imbalance that impregnates your everyday lives, don't. the inevitable forces of equilibrium will soon bring justice to your disproportionately pleasant lives.

i love you baby bird.

clog

the list of all the opportunities that will pass me by if i decide to go to graduate school...

1. hike the PCT*
2. join a fire troupe
3. ride the green tortoise somewhere great, anywhere really
4. WWOOF** in new zealand (i'm already registered!)
5. go to the EJC***
6. travel europe juggling, spinning, playing music
7. learn to play an instrument
8. sell my art
9. execute an art exchange through the mail with someone i don't know, who lives across the country
10. spend some time at belly acres (juggling commune located in/on hawaii)
11. learn a lot about bikes (how to fix them, alter them, weld them, create them from spare parts)
12. spend at least two months living in spain

*pacific crest trail
**willing workers on organic farms
***european juggling convention, think 2,500 to 4,500 juggling people in one place for an entire week

pea pod

i don't know about this whole graduate school plan. i am just not digging sitting in a lab all day long. it freaking sucks. there is very little variety involved. the experiments are drawn out and become monotonous. maybe if this project was my baby i would be more interested, but right now, in my position, i could care less about the structure we are characterizing. so, here is the new-pseudo plan that is sounding better and better. i want to take time off after school, of course. but, then maybe i will work for a lab and see if that fits. if i like the lab work, then i will go to graduate school. it not, then maybe i will postpone that plan. i just don't really think i will enjoy it. i like learning, but you only take classes for a year or two before transitioning into a completely research oriented path. i know that research would result in a lot of learning, but i hate working in lab. it's just so boring to me. yuck. sounds freaking awful. oh man, this is bad news. i plan on applying next year, but that doesn't mean anything. right? just applying. i don't want to get sucked into something that i hate. grad school is a five year commitment. i was talking to the grad student that i am working with yesterday about life. he is done with being a kid. once he is done here it is just a matter of what jobs are available. i asked about being a kid. was there any more space for that? he said, "well, you have to grow up sometime." oh man. bad news. i don't want to get in the routine of "the logic step". i don't want grad school to be the next logical step. i don't want an industry job to be the logical step after grad school. i want to play. i want to travel the country with no money. scraping by, and meeting amazing people who are happy. i want to be happy. i want to experience fabulous things and be happy. i am just scared i guess. part of me wants security too. i don't think i have a clear definition of what security really is though. part of my wants routine because i think that may give my happiness more security. i am scared of fluctuation. which makes graduate school seem appealing. it's five years of guarantees. there is no guarantee that your experiments will work or that you will make solid scientific advances. however, you are a part of something that is solid. you are a member of an academic community that will stay around during your time at school. something about that is comforting.

anyways, there is a babbling rant if i have ever heard on.

shout out

i just want to take a minute to make a "shout out" to elizabeth and her chronic nutz. oh man. i found them in bulk at the berkeley bowl and i don't think i will ever be unhappy again.

here is a recipe i found for them, just click on the picture featured at the top of this post to find it!

anxious to the point of being obnoxious OR loud, proud and overendowed

hey, i know this doesn't stick with the "random word theme" but i love both of these titles. and it's my blog...i do what i want.

this weekend was lovely. lots of meredith/kelly nostalgia, mixed with a bunch of giggling. my housemate thought we were on drugs. he had never heard girls giggle that much. we barted to san francisco and hit up a wide variety of tourist fun. including a stop at ben and jerry's. yum. oatmeal cookie crunch is my new favorite flavor. we picked some firework watching territory at about 4, which was a bit of an overkill. but, it was nice to just hang out for the afternoon and observe all the san francisco crazies. meredith went on tourist strike. she didn't bring warm enough clothes but refused to buy a crappy fleece. it was a pretty hilarious event. i haven't laughed so hard in months, maybe years.

the fireworks were great. i feel like every time i see fireworks i always think that specific show is the best one i've seen yet. this one even had smiley faces and basketballs. bizarre, yet entertaining. meredith and i ohhhhed and ahhhhed more than the people around us probably wanted to hear, but it was fun, so i have zero regrets. the most exciting part of the night had to be the sprint across the city after the show finished. meredith hadn't run that day and she definitely had a lot of pent up energy. we literally ran to the bart station. it was hilarious and really fun, surprisingly enough. plus, we were no longer cold. the ultimate plus.

hope everyone else had a fantastic fourth as well.

pop (the sound)

i wish people hadn't ruined the word fun. it's terrible. fun is so valuable and important. i hate that it is a "nothing" word. fun implies happiness, which is the ultimate goal. so, lets not throw the word around so willy nilly. but, if everything is fun and you are happy at all times, then by all means use the word as much as you would like. but never say, "i don't know, it was fun...i guess," with your hands in your pockets and a so-so look on your face.